IT’S THE LULLABYE BOOK THAT’S HELPING THE ENTIRE NATION GET THE REST IT NEEDS — WITHOUT MESSY PILLS OR POWDERS! It’s been called “a real snoozer!” by a supposed friend of mine. (I can’t tell you her real name, but her initials are Ginger Oakes — Ha!) But doggone it, the little gal’s on to something! You see, the book IS a real snoozer. I admit it! In fact, it’s been putting people to sleep in droves all across the country! But now that the word is out — thanks, Ginger! — I might as well let you in on a little secret: the powerfully soporific effect of the book is entirely intentional! That’s right. It’s actually supposed to have that loopy “Sandman” effect! And that’s not JUST because it’s a lullabye!
Nope. You see, the sleeping-bug that’s biting young and old alike who encounter this book is mostly due to a revolution in printing technology! Coloured inks that contain the legal limit of two ppm tryptophan (that’s the stuff in turkeys that puts you to sleep after the big meal every Thanksgiving!) are being cannily employed to create a children’s book that’s knocking folks out left and right! In fact, the very paper upon which this dreamy lullabye is printed are themselves first soaked in a trytophan-heavy solution! (Don’t tell the Feds, because that part really IS illegal). It’s kooky!
The result is the aforementioned “super-snoozer” effect that my friend was referring to! So did you sleep at all last night? If you did, chances are you passed by one of these books and didn’t even know it. Yup, it’s that powerful! We’ve already been getting reports that people are falling asleep in the aisles of some Barnes&Noble stores! (Shhh… don’t wake ‘em up… just tell a store manager and tip-toe away…) In fact, we can’t confirm it yet, but we are hearing anecdotal evidence that fully one-hundred percent of the people who read any part of the book — even the title on the cover from a distance! — are falling asleep within twenty-four hours of reading it. Them’s real results, folks! And we had to tell you!
So if you want a book that’s a “real snoozer!” – thanks, Ginger! Don’t worry, I’ll get you back eventually — and that’s guaranteed to put the kiddies — and non-kiddies — to sleep within twenty-four hours or your money back, may we suggest you look no further? May we also suggest you look no farther? May we additionally suggest you buy one for your father?!?
Yes, it’s the dreamy lullabye book that’s guaranteed to transport its readers to the happy land of Wynken, Blynken, and Nod — even if they don’t wanna go!
Get your copy today and like, Snooze, baby, Snooze!
Yours for better sleeping habits,
Eric Metaxas, Author
p.s. HOLY SNOOZEBAR! JUST LOOK AT THESE RESULTS!!! THESE ARE REAL PHOTOS!!!